A Mom Brain Perspective – Being an Employee

I am a new(ish) mom. My beautiful tiny human is 9 months old. I work from home 40 hours a week and keep her home with me just about every day. Some days are really hard trying to do well at both. Most days I am definitely lacking at one or the other. The thing is, for me now, being a mom absolutely comes first. I had 12 weeks of maternity leave (FMLA) and during that time off I realized I wanted to do anything in my power to keep her home with me and not have to send her to daycare. I wanted her all to myself, I wanted to be able to watch her grow every day in front of my eyes. I felt like, if I sent her to daycare I would most certainly be missing out. And I couldn’t bring myself to accept that.

Before I had left on maternity leave, my place of employment had assured me that I would be able to work as normal with my baby home with me should I chose to do so. They wouldn’t mind if she was in the background during meetings and were fine knowing that she would be around all day while I was on the clock. Well, when I returned from maternity leave after a few weeks, there seemed to be concern regarding my work performance since my new addition had been around. I had to start updating my outlook calendar to reflect the task I was working on down to the hour, I had to have meetings with supervisors and answer questions like “have you thought about childcare?” and “how many hours a day of solid work do you feel you are able to complete with your tiny human ‘not on your lap’?” insinuating that my quality of work apparently had diminished, or my work was lacking in some way shape or form. But here’s the kicker, no one came right out and said to me – ‘hey we’re concerned about your quality of work since your return from maternity leave and this is why we’re having you do x,y,z.’ No one. They tip-toed around it for weeks. No one sat me down and said this is what you’re doing wrong, no one could tell me why I was under a magnifying glass, and no one would explain why all of a sudden it seemed to be an issue that my tiny human was home with me during the day.

As it turns out, all of this stems from what I thought to be a harmless joke I made chatting with a program manager. They were of course asking about my tiny human, and I was happy to talk about my new mom experience and the excitement I felt being able to keep her home with me and work at the same time. So, I joked “I’m getting really good at typing with one hand.” That was it you guys. That was the line that had caused all of this second guessing and fine-tooth combing of everything I was doing. Can we all just take a second and imagine how long it would take me to get ANYTHING done if I LITERALLY was typing with one hand?? You know how I finally figured out my punch line joke that obviously didn’t land was the root of all the drama? I threatened to leave. I told my director that if having my tiny human at home with me during the workday was in fact an issue though I had been told even before she was born that it would not be, that I would have to find somewhere else to work. I had to explain that I needed to put being a mom first. I had agreed of course to work early morning, at night, and some hours on the weekend even (and I do all the time) to get my 40 hours in as I know that I couldn’t sustain always working effectively during normal work hours with a newborn. But that hadn’t appeared to be enough. What do you know, as soon as I had said I would leave if they believed my quality of work to be compromised, suddenly it wasn’t such a big deal anymore and I was able to get it in writing that the flex schedule as I’ve described above works fine for everyone involved, curiously enough.

Fast forward to today, a few months later, and I am having my monthly check-in with my director. She asks me about my degrees, and my career goals. For context, I’m 26 years old with a Master’s Degree in Healthcare Administration working what I would consider an entry level job. I was kind of explaining to her how right now, I’m not really sure what my career goals are. Right now, I am happy (sort of) with this job I have that allows me to work from home and raise my daughter simultaneously. And maybe I’m not getting the pay I want, I’m certainly not using my degree (either of them for that matter), but I am so thankful I am where I am simply because it allows me to be with her. I go into the office once a week for a few hours, and that’ the extent of it. I can flex around her appointments, around her fussiness and her nap times. And that’s my goal right now. Though it’s not career related, it’s career relevant. This job allows me to be the mom that I want to be for her.

My director started to reminisce about when she had her tiny human. She’s much older than I am now. She told me that she had worked so hard and dedicated so much to her career that when her tiny human came into the picture, she felt like a better employee than a mom. She explained to me how it took her some time to view her career and her wok in general in a whole new perspective, and she too, decided to put being a mom first. All of that to say – isn’t that crazy? How some of us ( I won’t say all of us because I know that know everyone shares our same thought process) moms are kind of forced to choose at some point in life what we want to be better at? I’m not saying that picking one way or another makes us bad moms or bad employees, that’s not the case.

But I know for me, I definitely don’t feel like the same employee I was when it was just me by myself during the day. Of course, my work ethic is altered slightly, of course work tasks take me longer time wise than they did before, of course my days look way different now as I clock in early mornings and late evenings. And it’s been challenging, but I think I’ve learned to be okay with that and accept that I (not saying others can’t because I know we’re all supermoms in our own ways) can’t put my all into both. Sure, I can work at night while she’s sleeping, but if I did that all the time I wouldn’t ever get to bed at a normal hour, or be able to go on date nights with my husband, or have drinks with my friends. So yeah, I’ll admit it here first to you all, my work ethic has taken a hit.

But, my mom life, has benefited drastically (and financially I am saving because daycare is so damn expensive but that’s just a bonus). I get to watch her eat sleep and poop 24/7 and I’m here for that you guys. At least for now. And that’s what I think is so easy to forget. Eventually, she’ll need some socialization, eventually she’ll be at pre-k, and eventually, she’ll be in school for like 9 months (or something like that) out of the year until she’s 18. And when then time comes, maybe I will go back out into a job on site, maybe I will try to use my master’s degree, maybe I will find a job where I’m the director. There’s still time for all of that. But for now, since my tine human can’t tell me if the daycare leader is nice to her or if she enjoys the time she spends there, she’s with me. They’re only this little once and it goes by so fast. I just can’t miss it. And if that makes me less than the ‘really good’ (you’ll learn I’m terrible at talking good things about myself) employee that once was, then so be it. I’m okay with that, for now.

How are all you new moms out there dealing with your career and with daycare and with your tiny humans? I know there are moms reading this that chose their career, and this post is not to shame them. We all have the ‘choice’ right? And thank GOODNESS some of us moms do chose our career. The workforce needs all the women it can get.