If we all wake up at 7am, a 12 hour day hits at 7pm. For me, I have to work 8 of those 12. Monday through Friday. That leaves 4(ish)hours because obviously our days don’t always (hardly ever) end at 7pm, for me to do everything else. I’m having a hard time comprehending this lately. My tiny human, she’s home with me all day everyday, even while I’m working. I’ve been trying to figure out how to better spread out my 8 hours of working, to have more time for her, and for me, and for my husband, and for my family, and for my friends, and for a workout, and for some sort of self-care/ME time.
But that right there, that’s the struggle isn’t it? This area is where I full heartedly and openly admit I absolutely loathe stay at homes for having that 8 hours to spend on other things besides work. A stay at home mom would probably want otherwise, the grass is always greener. But for me right now, I’m having a really, really hard time accepting that 40 hours a week of this precious life I live is spent at a desk (or table or on my couch) behind a computer screen doing a job that I doesn’t seem to be giving me any sort of fulfillment anymore. This feeling of depleting time started once I became a mom.
Tomorrow is Monday, a new start to a new week. That’s how I’m trying to look at it now. I plan ( I say this every week) to get up early, like 4:30-5:00AM to be able to start my work day and have a good chunk of it completed by the time my tiny human wakes up and finishes her morning bottle and couple (a handful) of episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. This way, I hope to be able to give her a better structured day. A chance to get outside for a bit in the middle of the day instead of just in the evening after I’ve punched out. I think I will feel like a better mom if I am able to give her more of my attention and do a structured activity with her more often during the day. How do I feel like a better employee with a job I am struggling to put all my energy into?
And then I guess, during and after her nap I’ll need to finish up what is remaining of the 8. I’ll also need to do some tidying, some laundry, make dinner if my husband works late, or spend some quality time with him if he doesn’t and is home before I’m in bed. The question then becomes – when do I shower? When do I workout? When do I see my family? Oh also you guys, sleep? There has to be more to life than this. There has to be more than 40 hours a week behind a computer screen. There has to me more than constantly juggling everything and trying to fit everything in to find the perfect balance.
Is anyone else feeling this or am I being slightly (lol because it’s probably more than that) sensitive? How do you all find the balance? Any moms out there working part time? Me quitting my job completely is not in the cards for my family right now – trust me that discussion has already been had. There has to be a solution, there has to be a balance. I have the upmost respect for moms killing it at everything I’ve just admitted to be struggling with. And I hope there are other moms out there who are struggling like me too, selfishly because that’ll make me feel better. We’ll get through it – that’s a mom thing. We always find a way, we’re resilient. Here’s to hoping you find a way to spend 8 hours a day (or at least more than normal) doing something you enjoy and fills your cup.
Mom Brain 